wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
