I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
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Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.