We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
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he's gonorrhea incarnate
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.