There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...