So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.