guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?