So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sobbing to NWA
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.