Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment