apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.