What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
