god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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