I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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