He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
whose parrot is this?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
