Grow some girl-balls and come out already
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
