wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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