so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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