If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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