i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
