I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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