She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
time to smoke my breakfast
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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