grandma shit on top of the toilet
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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