All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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