the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
