i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
