he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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