she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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