I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
