I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
