You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
