thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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