I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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