You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
