My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
