maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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