but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
