At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize