why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
