Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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