there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
