I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
