Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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