WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
