Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
