You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
