Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize