five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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