closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
