So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
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No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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