don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
