im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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