my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
