i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
