I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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