1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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