Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
