Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
