I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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