My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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