yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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