Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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