the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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