Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
