Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
