That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't trust your balls anymore.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
