Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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