well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
