i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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