How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
