Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
