I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
