i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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