I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
